I'm feeling some kinda way about the fact that summer is coming to an end. Tomorrow I move into my on-campus apartment and start school (all 8am classes, seriously?) on Monday. I'm not sure why, but when I first saw this editorial like, last week I was really drawn to it. I realized it's because her expression & demeanor sort of conflict with the cute/casual look of her clothing & surroundings. I feel like this represents really well the weird feeling of summer coming to an end; warm weather feels carefree, but the start of school & the approaching fall season reminds you that you must return to reality, in a sense.
It's not that summer is an escape, it's just more of a, well, a vacation. Obviously. But I guess I'm saying I never really saw summer break like that until now. ~Epiphany~ :3
Life has been good, it has been interesting. It has also been hard, in a sense. I've gone through some things this summer. Not anything drastic, just small things I've learned. I've never really talked about 'serious' things on here, like my feelings on race, or gender, or politics, etc. But I feel like I need to, because it's my blog, and dealing with stupid shit is sometimes part of my life, and I'd like to share my feelings.
This summer I worked with some interesting people, one person in particular really tested my comfort zone, in terms of race. I previously was very hesitant to talk about race with most white people, for obvious (and maybe not so obvious) reasons. But when he challenged me, I had to step out of my comfort zone and defend myself, & my experiences and that sort of taught me that I should never stay quiet about what I feel is right. In terms of race, or anything else. Even yesterday, my last day of work for the summer, we got into an altercation because he felt that it was funny to casually cut some of my hair off. Because somehow, since my hair doesn't lay down straight, and looks "messy" it's just a big joke, right?
Ahhh, you know I really don't get mad about a lot of things, but I was so upset I had to walk outside & text Charles and swear a bunch because my blood was boiling. Later I confronted him and he apologized. I just...am really glad to be out of that sort of toxic environment. Seriously, I don't have time for these people. XD
You know, I really enjoy people and people doing things together. Especially in the name of art. I think sometime this weekend I will just share a bunch of things that have been making me smile lately. Cos you know what, this post is totally killing my vibe. :D I don't want to focus on the negative for too long, friends. There is beauty in many things, and life is always full of so many emotions. Right now I am happy because I love change and I will be starting a new semester at school, which means new friends, more knowledge, and more experiences. But this also means I will once again be away from Charles, & dude, long distance relationships kinda suck. But we get through because there is love.
I am also optimistic right now. For my future, for my family, and for my relationships with people. I fail a lot at changing my bad habits, but I am optimistic and I stay positive that if I keep trying I will make a change. I am making changes. However, I also have a tendency to get sort of doom and gloom sometimes. On bad days, I feel quite hopeless; I feel as though I will always be stuck in this place where I have no money and am not independent and cannot travel or accomplish my dreams. But the only reason that would happen is if I believe the negative thoughts and stop trying. So again here I am, optimistic. And why not? I am so blessed.
Welp. I have typed enough I think. I guess I'll go eat my leftover curry now.
Some encouragement: always stand up for what you believe in, always remember to look at where you are and see the blessings surrounding you, & never forget that even though summer is coming to an end, it will always come back again to greet your warmly.
Until next time :)
:: more ways to l o v e me ::